2009年第9期翻译擂台

 

Forevertrans   中国 上海市

Qingpin, which literally means 'Pure and Poor' in Chinese, refers to a state of being poor but virtuous, and being upright but not self-degraded. Poor are persons in such a state, they are dignified though, and they cannot tolerate any bit of contempt at all. They neither eat food pitifully given by others nor kiss other's butts. Though they are poor, they are respected by every person. I have ever seen many such 'poor' persons since from my childhood in Taiwan and during my adulthood in Hong Kong. They are either energetic vegetable growers, or high-spirited welders. They look honest and calm, and seem like they are doing a very important thing in the world.

1、 这篇译文整体还不错，尤其是对“清贫”的翻译——译者采取了音译加意译的方法，较完整地传达了原意。但是要注意几处措词。

2、 首先“Poor are persons in such a state, they are dignified though…”略显拖沓，建议改为“People in such a state are dignified though…”。

3、 第二，“半分”不能直译成“any bit of”。原文不是强调量的定义，而是说贬抑与否，是质的概念，所以译成“any sign of”更地道、贴切。

4、 第三，“pitifully”偏褒义，而“嗟来之食”则恰好相反，所以应该译成“offered in a contemptible fashion”。

5、 第四，“since from…during…”是断开的两个时间段，建议改为“during…throughout…”。

6、 最后，“They are either energetic vegetable growers, or high-spirited welders.”表示的是仅老农和焊铁工两类人，不符合原文意思，应改为“whether they are poor scholars, energetic vegetable growers, or high-spirited welders, they look…”。

 

王婷   广西  河池学院外语系

Badly off, that is poor but not humble and have an air of self-respect as well as self-esteem. Those people can't bear any disdain or depreciation, they will not eat food handed out in contempt or take the initiative to please others. So, they are respected by others although they are poor, with dignity. I've seen many such kind of poor people when I was young in Taiwan and as an adult in Hong Kong. They are senior vegetable growers full of vigorous and vitality or welders with high spirit. All of them have a bright look, as if they are doing the most important thing in the world.

1、 这是篇很不错的译文，用词准确，结构流畅完整，但个别地方欠妥。

2、 首先，“take the initiative to please others”是说如果别人不对你示好，你就不主动恭维别人，这与原文有出入。建议改为“ingratiate themselves with others”。

3、 其次，“They are senior vegetable growers full of vigorous and vitality or welders with high spirit.”跟上文犯了一样的错误，可改为“There are…”。

4、 最后，还是这句里的“full of vigorous and vitality”，vigorous应改为名词形式，即vigor。

 

李锐   安徽工业大学（东校区）外国语学院

Poverty means poor but not degrading, also, contains a sort of moral integrity of self-esteem. As for this kind of people, poor as they are, yet where integrity lies, they will never permit those who belittle or depreciate it. They will not eat food handed out in contempt, meanwhile, not treat others based on their status or power. Everyone who sees him, they will show their respect to him. Childhood in Taiwan, adults in Hong Kong, I have seen so many penniless poor scholars, or vibrant vegetable garden farmers, or iron workers welding in high spirits. And they are forthright, as if they're engaging a sun-like top-important things.

1、 这篇译文较为忠实原文，但有几处用词不够地道。

2、 首先，contains改为implies；

3、 第二，permit的宾语不应该是人，而应是别人的举动，建议改为“permit others to belittle or depreciate them”；

4、 第三，“meanwhile, not,”建议改为nor；

5、 第四，“Childhood in Taiwan, adults in Hong Kong”逻辑混乱，应改为“During my childhood in Taiwan and my adult life in Hong Kong”；

6、 第五，原文“寒士”不是特指贫穷的读书人，应译为poor people；

7、 第六，iron workers welding改为welders。

8、 最后，be engaged in表示正在做某事，engage则表示开始做某事，而且英语里没有sun-like top-important的说法，所以最后要改为“they are engaged in the most important thing under the heaven.”。